Originally posted by Mogaria on July 20, 2007. I thought this post was fitting considering the new church website. Read the original post and comments here.
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I am a 54 year old Mother who faithfully raised my children in the church and severely damaged my lovely gay son in so doing. We need need need to talk about sexuality issues and why not in RS. As John Byetheway said: “we’re all here so why can’t we talk about it”.
I sometimes sit in Relief Society and wander around the room wondering how many other mothers of gay children are there. They’re there – one has told me her story – but others are unaware and I worry that one little boy will grow up as mine did – with parents who had disdain for gays, who were ignorant about the facts, who were unapproachable, who did damage by doing what they thought was right.
Is there another little boy who will start praying about age eight that he won’t be gay, one who will try to do everything right so that God will grant him a miracle, one who will finally give up because his religion brings him no peace or happiness and he simply has to keep himself alive by looking for a different path.
How do I reconcile what I know in my heart is best for my son with church teachings. How is it that if we’re the true church and are so smart, that we have no reasonable, positive way of responding to this issue so that a significant number of our members and their families aren’t devastated. What kind of evil is it that creates a mind set in which the revelation of homosexuality is more devastating than death.
One mother I know said that the death of her son would have been so much easier; her husband cried for three weeks. Another mother cried as she revealed her son’s terrible secret to me even though she has known for fifteen years. My son went to sleep every night for years praying that he would not wake up. He once said that cancer would be merciful. Two counsellors reacted the same way when he told them he was gay and Mormon – that it is the most difficult problem they have to deal with. I have thought that my son was so damaged that he might not ever heal.
Fortunately, he is strong and good and smart and has full support of his family. How many don’t have those assets and what happens to them? How do I reconcile BKP’s statement about gays being one of the three greatest dangers to the church and his 1979 conference talk reducing homosexuality to a simple problem of selfishness? How about Sherry Dew’s statement about fighting homosexuality being as important as fighting nazi’s? (YIKES!)
Perhaps we should hearken more to Joseph Smith or Brigham Young who constantly warned about the two really dangerous weaknesses in the Mormon character through which Satan could enter most readily – covetousness and self righteousness. Even bettter let’s just get right down to the basics of Christianity – compassion for our brothers and sisters.
How do I rebuild my testimony? Do I even want to? Maybe this is a better place to be – where I recognize the human and cultural factors in the church and I allow no one to do my thinking for me?
My daughter once comforted me with this thought: “My generation doesn’t hate gays the way yours does and pretty soon you’ll all die off and it will be just fine for them!” Things are changing – even in our conservative church – but it might not be fast enough for at least a few of our gay brothers and sisters.