Originally published September 18, 2006
My dh — Dr. NO — recently attended a church meeting where the leaders discussed, among other things, the new statistic out from church-headquarters that estimates 70% of those raised in the church will go inactive/leave by the time they are adults. The stake leadership was obviously very concerned. Seems that the GA’s are too. Lots of discussion about what to do, how to strengthen the youth, how to reverse the trend. Very little of it productive.
Dr. NO came home quite disgusted about the whole thing. His take was this: if the 70% figure is true [remembering there are "lies, damn lies and statistics"] then the church is doing something Very Seriously Wrong and the normal ‘let’s find a new program/make new rules/ admonish the youth will be no more effective than rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
I immediately thought of the famous quote: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.“
So why would our young people leave the church is droves? Is it because the church has become increasingly irreverent to their lives? Is it that the culture still clings to some sort of psuedo-1950′s ideals that no longer make sense [if they ever did?] Is it disaffection with a leadership that talks of agency and responsibility, yet seeks to micro-manage in the most trivial things [Earrings? Beards? Hair styles/colors?] Or talks of finding and following the spirit, yet ties us down/placates us with ‘inspired’ programs? Or talks of leadership but rewards management and bureaucracy? Or because we mothers are neglecting our duties? Or our children are just plain wicked and evil?
I’ve been thinking about my most-likely-to-leave-the-church kid and thinking about how very little she thinks the church has to offer her. [I can hardly wait for her to hit YW's -- should be fun times . . . ] She is a brilliant individual in a conformist organization. She doesn’t need, like or appreciate the control freaks and well-meaning micro-managers here and in Salt Lake. If she get’s a testimony, she could be a shining asset to the church. But she’s — fortunately or not — also inherited her mother’s low-tolerance for stupid unnecessary things. And this is a problem, ’cause when you think about it, there are few things that are really necessary. There is a somewhat short list of things you MUST do, and and somewhat longer list of things you must NOT do. And lots and lots and lots of small annoyances we put up with [or don't] in the name of church and conformity and community. And I fear she and thousands of others like her don’t have the patience to distinguish the two and will end up throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
When this happens we are all lessened, ’cause frankly the church would benefit from both keeping and trying to keep people like her: individualistic, non-conforming, testimony infused, different. But they rarely do keep them, let alone gain similar people as converts. [Like some of my amazing, talented, organized, good, moral, liberal friends who would never be able see any reason to join. Or stay if they somehow did.]
All in all, I think the church will need to become less insular, less inter- mountain west in culture, less enamored of stupid details, less fixated on conformity and more attuned to what really is important if we are going give all our children a reason to stay. Otherwise I fear they will never find the gospel under the chaff.
NO
